The Chronicles of DA SUs
by WheatleysGurl
Summary: This ish teh story bout Invader Zimmerman falling in love w MAH awesome new OC. BUT THEN ANOTHER GURL CUM TO TAKE IT! Can their luv b 4.ever? TILTED CHAIN! WOOO!
1. MEATY KITTEH

Halo. Maj name ish Kitteh and I am new 2 to invader Zim town. I start hi-SKOOL tomorrow while I spend today playin w/ mug cats. Mug sistar says that I was honna be forever alone cuz I plays with my Cato. I tell her "Fuck you" and then I goez to hen.

I up the necks day and then got freddy for SKOOL. I lurve SKOOL because I is really smart and mug teachers luv meh! I put on my fishnets and my shit and my high hellos on my feet. Then I combed my rainbow hairs because my natural hair color wuz rainbow hairs. I slit my thigh because I got really sad because I don't like SKOOL and then I went to SKOOL. But only afterz I ate sum Wheatley. Yum. :3

Da SKOOL wuz called PORTAL HIGH SKOOL because the author loves MarissatheWriter because her writing ish kewl and fuel of INTENSE ACTON AND... POPCORN.

"Class," says Ms. Sweaters "I'd like to introduce you to newest APPENDAGE to the student body. Her name is...Mary-Sue." she pointed to a GURL who has beautiful blonde hair and wuz wearing a tank tops to skool. Tank tops were knot in the school but apparently they are at SKOOL. Mary was introduced after I was because I came to class first. She came after lunchtime because she was special. But I dunno y she so special.

While Ms. Bitters talks about SPAGHETTI, I started staring at Zim and Dib because that's what all da OCs do in invader Zimmerman fics. Zim wuz all tall and muscular because he had grown a lot from eatin lotsa PIZZAPIE and DINNER. I look at Dib to and saw MARY starin at Dib too. I bet she looooves him. :3

I had my lunch at the cafeteria which looks like a normal cafeteria except it has FOOD. Mary-Sue skipped everyone in line and then sat to a lot of hawt boys cuz they wanted her to be their girlfriend. I sat next to dip because I had nowhere else sit and there were no other couches to go behind.

Then Dib sat next to my table. Gaz wuz playin a Mario video game. And Zim was doing...MARY?


	2. I LICK WHEAT

A/N Heya guys tanks for da reviews! :D I hope u futz enjoy it!

Chapter 2

I wuz so mad...that I was made! Y was zimm do things to Mary? I walk up to Mary while they do di do and I slapped her. She was special so she had no mark on her face. She punched me while Zim was on her and I gut a big bruise on my creek and it hurt like a bruise that hurt real bad.

"Zim iz mine u stupide bitch!" she said to me. And I got really sad becuz I liked Zim and Dib was ugly and big SKOOL, Zim acted like good person who didn't screech and play with Dib's. He instead played with Mary-Sue cuz he wuz perfect. I wuz planning on cutting myself when I gut home when a nerdo with blonde hairs and glasses ran into me.

"Oh sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to startle you! Here, let me pick these books up for you, if you don't mind." he says and he gather MAH books LIEK a CLUMPSY person. He then give me books.

"Thankz u" I told him because he wuz the nicest guy I've ever met. He's even nicer than the dip who I sat to lunch with. dip ish MAH new BESHT BUDDEH!

"Hey, I'm just curious, do you by any chance have brain damage? Because by the way your talking, and not that there's anything wrong with your speech, but it sounds quite...um...childish. Don't you think?"

"Oh, that's cuz I gotz readin problems and they puts meh in normal readin class. Imma very smart pupil. :D"

Da guy give me a WTF fece.

"Well," he beckons. "It is such a miracle that you can talk even though you have serious brain damage."

"LOLWUT? I said maj brain was normal"

"Oh, sorry. I must be referring to another friend of mine. My name's Wheatley by the way. Nice to meet you." he then gave his hand out to meh and shakes it reel good.

"Have u scene da other new girl?" I asks him.

"Oh, you mean the pretty blonde. Oh god, let me tell you, she is a gem. But I don't know why so many boys adore her. It's bloody insane! Oh, and let me tell you the worst part and you're never going to believe this. During lunch, she started having intercourse with that strange green kid! Right in the middle of the room. She's crazy I tell you!" I knows she wuz crazies. But why is he telling me thingys that I nose.

"You don't like her?" I ask

"Of course not! I'd have to be a bloody moron in order to fall for her!" That's when Mary-Su cameo out of nowhere. U know, LIEK how real OCs do. She heard us talkin bout her through her telepotential abilities cuz she's special.

"moar leik a mourn 4 NAT Fallon 4 me!" she says w angar ans rage! "OH MAH GOSH!" I explain. She haz talkin problems leik ME! :D

"I'm sorry, what?" Wheatley saids. "Did you just call me a mourn? If that's the case then no, I have not "mourned" over anyone's death. Unless, did someone close to me die? I know it wasn't my mother because I saw her this morning or her boyfriend because he's very healthy. Yes, I have very, very healthy parents, but what about my friends? Could it have been-"

"Nu. I meantz BORON!" Mary screech.

"Boron? No, I'm not the element, Boron. Do I even look like the element Boron to you? Is that what you're thinking because-"

"No!" I invent. "I thinks she said 'moron'"

"WHAT!" Wheatley shouts. "I AM NOT A MORON!" "yesh u r cuz u don't luv me cuz im special!" Mary says with better then everyoneness and pure awesumeness.

"No ur not! Ur a meanie cuz u took MAH Zimmerman and yoz fell on love w/ him so I can't be a Mary-Sue! U even took mah special nom!" I says to her and gotz so sad that I made a face that lock like dis. - :'(

"Well dats 2 bad. Errbodeh luvs me and hates u so just have 2 deal w dat. Well imma dun takin 2 u LOSERS so imma go and fuk all da other boiz waitin for me so BAI!" then she disappear and all da otters disappear too. Wheatley an I were veray sad and pressed. I wanted to goes home and listen to mug Anvil Tangerine music while silty my thigh cuz I fun wanna look leik MARY and cut muh wrists.

"Ah, don't listen to her. No one at school is even paying attention to her." Wheatley says 2 cheerlead me up but I dun leik cheerbeaterz.

"But erry1 luvz her!" I crys. He then put hand on my shoulder.

"I don't like her." he then smile as he help me up and takes me hom.


	3. LETZ GIT CRAIG!

When I gut up out of my hen da necks day, it was RELLAH rainy. SO RAINEH THAT YOU CANS SMELL THAT IT IS RANEE! Wheatley offered 2 take meh 2 PORTAL HIGH SKOOL. So we broth wake in the rain. We didn't has an umbrella and there were no other couches to go behind so Wheatley chimed a tree and got a bird beast on his head. Then yo Mama bird came back and started attacking Wheatley and he started screaming so loud that it actually sounded leik he wuz screening. The bird started screaming an it screemed just like Wheatley.

"OH MAH GURD!" I say with excite. "it's a jabberjay! :D" i say with lords of happy. "Imma name him JABBY JERRY BERRY!" and I wassa so happeh! Wheatley didn't know whut a jabberjay wuz but it was okay. I call him jabberjay cuz look like blue jay but he talk too much. We take JABBY 2 SKOOL and show him off 2 stupid MARY and her NEW! boyfriend, Zum. Mary roll her eyes at JABBY.

"I haz OVER 9000 JABBARDAYZ cuz imma so kewl and rice an special. Lol" and she laugh a me with mean and not nice. JABBY started screaming leik Wheatley again and err body laugh at Wheatley. Zim did knot though. He wuz busy vein in love w da Su and her otters did da same. JABBY stays though cuz he's not otter. He is bird.

I was eatin DINNER at lunch while watching err body a whore Mary while she turned into an SAXXY alien in fronts of everybody. Then Dib went into ACTON.

"BAILION!" he screeched and ran the the bowling eyeball network and showed then Mary in her super saiyan form and she wuz green w light purple eyes and wiz reallay petty even as an alien.

"Nah Dibz, that's just a normal little GURL. " Booty says and hurts Dib with pain and cake. Dib look at picture and then went "WOW, dis GURL is hawt" and started dating Mary too"

"lez get crazag!" shouts Mary and err body gut down w another guy and put their twinkies in da girls dip and they all did it for the first time expects me, JABBY, and Wheatley cuz we're smarties and we dun do drugs an beer leik Altas and P-buddy nor do we do di dos. Our mommas must b so proud!

Then the principle, InterdimensionalPortaller came out because da last principle ate Skepkitty's arm and Skep ate his peg and she liked it so much that they become Skepness Man b 4 DA ROYAL WETTIN wedding and then Glorios Deskchannel came and used her Mary-Sue powars to defeat Skep and Katniss Everdurn's BABEH. She wassa REEL Mary-Sue.

Principle wuz all hip and bop and tryin 2 sound real cool to pervert his mid-life circus.

"Woah man, what's happenin'" she say w hip and err 1 stop playin w their marbles. "You crazy kids should be in da classroom" she says. "Cuz that's where da cool stuff iz at." da principle only wanted us back in class so we can test. His bass love testing an testin peoplez. I dun leik her bass' tests am neither does Wheatley or JABBY.

We goez to class and do tests in class. JABBY watch me do test cuz the teacher got that JABBY belonged to Mary and she gut to thong all her jabberjays to the test because she wuz special.

Dib an Zimmerman were both dewing on her because Mary was very petty for a ditch. Then Zim ands Dibz gut really close 2 Mary and then they started saiyan really OCC things to her and then JABBY said them 2 ME!

I guts WTF feces at JABBY. JABBY kiss MAH cheek w love and happy. I pet Hos feathers. C: Then after testin we waited 4 cake. It com butt did not cum 4 it iz caek. Then AP GLaDOS come with Painis Cupcake.

"Congratulations." it say Tobiotically. "Thank you for participating in testing at the Aperture Science Enrichment Center and we are very pleased with our testing results." Her light then look at Mary.

"ZOMG! WHO DOEZ UR HAIR?" GLaDOS say an got really OOC LEIK George Zimmerman and da Dibz ice cream.

Wheatley, JABBY and me run away from da room when we heard Mary say "U cannt pie from me ! i no were u LIVE!" and then she sent the otters after us including Zim and Dib. Vagineer come out of nowhere and said "NOPE. " and Wheatley, JABBY, da dip form cafeteria, and I run away.

Wen we got to MAH hose, all the my catz were playing and leavin poo poots all over the hose. I clean up the poo poots and then we start takin a plan to get ride of Mary.

"So, I got an idea" Wheatley started. "but it is bloody dangerous. I'm not sure of we're even going to make it out alive, actually."

I gotz really sacred. "What is da plan?"

"We go to her house, ring her doorbell, and run. She'll never expect it. Even I myself don't expect i-"

Then da doorbell ring and I walk up to four and open it. AP GLaDOS wuz stranded there.

"WHO DOES UR HAIR? :D" she say. Then I gut a poker face and shut the four.

"LOLZ. I lick you're idea!" I says and then bake a face while licking his idea on ButtBook - :D


	4. BAKED HECKER!

(A/N: LOLZ I gut hacked BAI random SPY. They putt chapter in chapter. Ans I dunno how 2 get RID of it. Imma verray said. :'C I luv u futZ. U guys rtad BESHT reviewers evah. /3)

* * *

We wake up to da four, which reallay did lock leik a pore. We were GETTIN freddy to Knox on da door and then run away. I insert handz around MAH Wheatley and then say "Good-bye" an make a bad face. :c

I gut reallay sacred an holy when GETTIN 2 da door and then I Knox on it and RUN AWAY. But I backed out b4 i could. Then i walked up 2 found MARY an Zim an Dib an they were do di do! I insert gasp. They an the otters dub lock at me toe. They to bossy bein otters.

When Mary dong she walk up to me w awesumeness and that's when I reelized that ALL TOASTERS TOAST TOAST.

"Y U NO LEAF MEH ALUNE?" Mary roar.

"Cuz I'm da Mary-Sue of dis fic. Go BAK to playin wit Edward Cullen's te-"

"Did sum1 call MAH nom?" says Edward and he rose from heaven becuz he is dis shoe's JESSUS!

"Mastah!" Mary pouted and lopped onto Edward but he do not cars cuz he is God. Mary wuz about 2 give play w Edward when I gut a sad face. "Gets gill hurr 1st." Mary say an take out big BEE STINGER! I gut glimmers as she stuck stinger into arm an I back out agian an died.

BUT ONLEH I DIDN'T DYE MAH SOUL.

* * *

Author's Note: Hey people of FanFiction, how are you guys? I'd like to tell you who I am, but for obvious reasons, I can't blow my cover. All I could say is that I managed to login to this "author"'s account and write a little special treat for you all. I'm tired of seeing horrible Invader Zim fics on . "Invader Zim: Born Again Christian" was bad enough for us Invader Zim fans and I can't tolerate anymore of these atrocious fanfics anymore! I'm pretty sure this will be a lesson to all of you trollfic writers to NOT mess with OUR fandom. Anyway enough of my ranting, here's my part of the fic.

When I woke up, it was rainy because it fits the emo kid scenes. I look around to find out that I'M STILL ALIVE. I FEEL FANTASTIC AND IM STILL ALIVE. ANYWAY THIS DINNER IS GREAT, IT'S SO DELICIOUS AND MOIST. Then I realized that I had started to use good grammar again, but then I got high at my BALLOON PARTY from having too much fun with balloons and I blacked out again.

When I came again. I found myself walking towards a mirror and when staring into it. I could see myself as an imperfection. Honey gold follicles and an average amount of cleavage. The hair was up to my lower breasts instead of up to my butt and my cat ears had disappeared completely from my body.

I was normal.

In a fit of mentally flawed rage, I slammed the mirror to shattered pieces and glass sliced through my oily skin. This was my worst nightmare. To become a normal human being rather than being the beautiful Sue I was meant to be. How can I fulfill that if I have flaws? I sit in a chair.

'So what have I done so far?'

'I managed to get no one except for Wheatley and a rare species of bird, but THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Those characters are from separate forms of media. My goal was to get Zim and Dib to fall in love with me! HOW THE FUCK DID THAT PLAN FAIL! Ugh, great. I'm developing a personality, now.'

Anyway, I find myself walking into my room.

I expect to see posters of my idols. You know,  
Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, Marrissa Roberts, Bella Swan, and Serenity Winter.  
All and all, the best role models. EVER.

But all I see are pics of...(aw crap, I have a limit to the ".") MARY AND EDWARD! I scream my head off as I pound on the walls of my normal and catless room. I walk towards a Mary poster, in tears because of this cold-blooded Sue's torture.

"YOU FUCKING BITCH!" I cry out. "YOU RUINED MY LIFE!"

"KATIE!" I hear my sister scream. "YOU IDIOT. LEARN TO CONTROL YOUR TEMPER! NOW THERE'S GLASS EVERYWHERE!"

"...the fuck?" I mutter to myself. Am I getting called out for my own mental flaws? NO. IT CAN'T BE! MY LIFE IS RUINED! I curl up in fetal position and weep silently on my preppy girl bed (yuck.) and think that maybe some Avril Lavigne may help. I turn on my stereo but all I hear is BRITNEY SPEARS.

**"SOMEBODY HELP ME!"**

(A/N: HECKER. Y U DO THAT 2 KITTEH? Y U HERTZ KITTEH FEELIN LEIK DAT. THAT ISH NAWT RICE OF YOU!)

* * *

I bake on cold sweat. "Wheatley?" i carried out. I was very sacred on MAH hen. "Are you dare?" MAH buddy was againg! It hurt So BAD. I instinctively feel MAH belleh. It wuz hard leik MAH SKOOL. When I beard the sound of noses sniffing around, I new I wuz BAK to nomall and I wuz sit on rainbow hairs an dat JABBY was waitin 4 me by da windoe. Den, herded AVOX on MAH door.

Da door came down and da person there was...DIB?

(A/N: LOLZ I LEIK PILOT TWISTS! Hop u guys keep giving meh gooood reviews. I luv y'all!)


	5. TURD IN DA HORSE

A/N: This chapter ish veray short it fills da story wit icin and SPAGHETTI! I put in awesume things in here an JABBY gets to have a chapter on da SPOTLIGHT. YAY!

* * *

"HORRIBLE. HORRIBLE THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN!" Dib screeched with sacredness.

I o-mouth LIEK in the MarrissatheWriter fanfics and say

"ZOMG WHUT!"

I shake him reel hard and then he tell me:

"It's Reaping Day."

* * *

MEENAY PILE.

Wheatley an JABBY were waitin for me BAI a tree and YUSH, I am narrating this even toe I'm not physically tar.

"Kitteh, are you still alive?" Wheatley call out from tree. JABBY wuz starting 2 GIT reallay sadd and lonely so he flew into a horse butt it wiz da tong hose. The tong hose had a gai w a pump keen on his head and his FARTHA wuz a marshmallow bunneh. Da pumpkin headed guy saw the buurd and ran to his FARTHA who wuz bein interviewed cuz today ish Rippin Day.

"But if some faggot ever tried to touch me..." da bunny say cuz they were talkin bout homosapians when pumpkin guy came screaming leik a guy licking a screaming guy.

"DAD, there's a bird in the house!" he scream. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN A BIRD?"

"Well it flew in when I opened the door and..."

"OH SHIT!" da bunneh got out of chair and started to INSERT BROOM INTO VASE. And the vase brooke.

And died.

"Dad, you're going to break everything in the whole house!" Pumpkin man inquired.

"IM TOO PISSED TO GIVE A SHIT!" marshmallow bunneh elled. That's when JABBY realize he ish marshmallow and then goes to attack bunneh who scream with thought of bein eatin BAI a burd in his horse. Thats when Wheatley comes to savor JABBY.

"JABBY! TELL ME YOU'RE ALRIGHT!" Wheatley gut really scarred cuz JABBY wuz the BESHT turd Eva.

"IM TOO PISSED TO GIVE A SHIT!" say JABBY and Wheatley founds him eating da BUNNEH.  
"JABBY!" Wheatley shooted w happeh and JABBY an JABBY a JABBY fly 2 Wheatley and hugs him. Da 2 two guys looked at Wheatley leik man-eatin beers.

"okay," Wheatley say. "So I'm just going to go now...to the door...that is conveniently right there...with my bird...to the door which isn't that far away. So if you would excuse me, I must go...to the door and-"  
"JUST GET OUT, YOU IDIOT!" marshmallow bunny say and pounce on Wheatley w broom.

"RUN JABBY! RUN TO SAFETY!" Wheatley shoot bird and flew all da way BAK to Kitteh's house.  
Then da four gut AVOXS. And it Knox COOOOOOMBS.

"WAIT A MINUTE YOU DICK!" shout bunneh.

"I don't have a dick, you prick." say Tak, da bunneh's ex-wife form outer SPACE with space core. She cam cuz da author made her.

"Tak? AW SHIT!" Da bunneh yell and Wheatley run away LIEK CLUMPSY person all da way 2 my crib

* * *

At MAH bib, Dib tells me dat he took meh to MAH hom and dat I had been out for 999999999 whole days in a comma.

I wuz really said cuz teh author an I gut hacked but it's okay tho. We just move on instead.

When Wheatley came, I give big bear hugs even tho I wuz in Maine. And it hurt badly.

"For a minute there, I thought you were dead!" Wheatley say with happy. "I saved JABBY for you and I guess he beat me to coming here first... Since he is sitting on the window" He look at window and find JABBY sitting here leik MAJESTIC EAGLE!

"Guys, we don't much time left and we have to be downtown before 2:30." Dib say an help me up. I insert o-mouth at Dib grammar.

"Y NO FOND SUE NO MORE?" I pasked.

"No, I've never liked her at all and... Hey, I'm me again! I have full control over myself again!" Dib say and give himself hug. "Now lets head downtown. The players for this year's GAMES aren't going to choose themselves." and then I go off MAH hen, Say good-bye 2 MAH Cato an other cats and leaf da hose before going downtown.


End file.
